I began this gift of expression of poetry in motion at a young age. I sang in the youth Church choirs, played the cornet in band at school. Then in my early teens begin to write poems & lyrics to songs. I nearly had them constructed in a way that musical theory and arrangement was all that was left to do in order to hear them.
I wanted a guitar when I turned 16, but my Mother did not want me to play it. She feared I'd turn out like my Father. Who I never met until I was 17. His playing in the bars, led to many temptations and he took them. He had a woman in every port, was how they put it. But they always complimented him on his talent, and how he could play a Sax.
I spent my youth going to Church on Sundays until Mom couldn't hold me anymore. Then I chased girls, partied and did drugs through High School. After school I left Indiana every now and then to see some of the places I wanted to see. Like California & Florida, I had a good job in Palm Springs in 78-79, in Daytona I nearly starved. Each place I seem to find the best of drugs to consume though. Then I'd head back to Indiana, when I felt I worn out my welcome.
Held a few jobs in Indiana until the 80's went bad on that and forced me into the Army. Where I finally got weaned off of the smoke and extras for about 10 years. And finally thought I'd settle down and got married my last 2 years in service. And one thing that never stopped in me through them times was the song lyrics just coming in my head for ideas and I would write them down.
When I was getting ready to ETS from the Armed Services. I was talking with 2 other friends I had made during my stay in Fort Sill OK. Don Halstrom was going to try out for a Yankee farm club, John Baker of Ohio still had 2 years to go. But he asked me what did I want to do when I got out, I said I always wanted to play guitar and sing, maybe I'll get in a band. I told them I always write these songs but never have them to music, might try and sell some, who knows.
Well, I did finally learned some guitar. I bought one in 1989 and was in a band in 1991, singing. I had two children by then and my first night out, I had found out that day I had diabetes. I was 135 pounds the same weight I was when I joined the Army in 1980. Life began to turn hard physically and mentally and in relationships.
My wife (Martha) left me in November of 91 the divorce took 2 years to get through. We had been married nearly 10 years. Lawyers, a greedy soon to be Ex-wife, and a broken man. Dealing with the loss of two kids I loved so deeply and was so close too. My kids were used as a exchange method for the Ex to use against me to gain more money. That was a heart piercing hurt and anger I found very hard to cope with.
It broke me down and later turned me wicked and spiteful and wanting. But the first step dropped me to my knees spiritually. I found Jesus and got saved, then here came Satan. Unstable in my faith and love for the Lord. He had me for lunch. Which is another story I'll leave on my other blog.
In 92 things started to bloom in my interest in music. I had some years of learning right on stage in performing and singing. Singing just came natural to me I hit the pitch and was where I was suppose to be in the song. Then I had the style that kept the folks coming out on the weekends. The song writing begin to take off after I had recorded a few demo's with my Dad. Our relationship began after I met him in 1977 and I was there singing "Peace in the Valley" over his grave site the day we laid him to rest in June of 97.
The writing and recording ended up with just me putting everything together after awhile. I'd learned enough about song structure and arrangement and recording. And got the things I needed to record them by myself. Where I lacked in talent on guitar, I found other ways to insert the music side of the song. I managed the best I could. Always tried to improve and never threw anything away. I recorded some bad ones as well as I did some good ones.
The song writing consumed me, the lyrics would haunt me in my sleep. The whole sound and rhyming scheme would just sing in my head and keep me awake until I'd get up. Then either write it down or sing it into a small tape recorder. Many times I would get lazy and not go all the way with the idea. Then try to recover it later and lose the whole thing. But I'd just be haunted again later by something different. Getting messed up drinking and smoking dope would slow it down and many times that's what happened after about 1996. After 96 I went off the deep end, until the end of 2003.
I took everything the music provide for me in desires from 1993 until 2000. The diabetes worked me over pretty good too, I drank when I was playing a gig. Kept that as a practice then added the reefer during 96 and it became pretty chronic like it had been in my youth.
I tried to press into the song writing business in pitching some songs and talent contest. I was heard over the radio and performed on TV during this period of late 94 and early 95. I had remarried and the songwriting was going nowhere but consuming all my spare time. I felt it was hurting my new marriage and the band playing on every weekend. So I dropped out of the Country Classics after a 4 year run to hope to save my marriage. I was to late, my wife (Karen) said afterwards what had happened was I had quit dreaming.
The ending of that one that lasted but one year, wrecked me inside big time. I had hoped, went back to the Lord and still managed to even mess that up. I got mad at Him then, left and traveled with a hardened heart and wrecked what relationship I had with my kids. I gave up on fighting with their Mother over things and let her just win. I quit battling for them and became what she thought and told them I was all along.
My songwriting began to change then, I formed another band. Alibi took off with a blaze. Then the drugs hit some of the members and some tempers flared and snuffed it out. I was still writing and recording, then doing a one man gig. All along I was just holding on to a job I had worked at for 13 years. That job consumed 60 hours a week during them 13 years. Add that to the rest of this mix, I was pressing myself thin and the diabetes was winning inside me the whole time.
I quit pitching the songs and wrote just to write and hear what I had done. It became a release kind of thing for me. I then was recruited by a band that was restructuring named Blue Sage. And what got put together there made for one of the best bands in Northern Indiana. From 1998 until 2000, when the lead guitar player Gordy Reed left, then I left shortly after as well.
I wrote my last song in the summer of 2000, called "What gave me away." Then after a few more events the voices giving me music left. I found it a privilege working with other musicians. I was glad to be a part of what we did together with our talents. Like in everything you have some real good years then the bottom drops out. Your hope is you leave respectfully and without strife.
There was a lot going on down deep in my soul during these years. Heartbroken pain and loss from divorces, diabetes, drugs,, drinking and living reckless. Band break ups, lost jobs, lost loves, one night stands. The continued diving deeper at times in loneliness and sexual sin because of all the abandonment's.
It seemed I did not fail to live out all I had written and or sung. Shattered pride was the leading thing in me that at times made me take things farther. In a loop hole kind of thing to some what even the score inside of me. Losing could mean I was really winning. But the darkness in me tricked me into thinking I needed to really win. It finally broke me down and made me what I am.
Turmoil and trouble I had created continued after Labor Day 2000 when I played my last gig for Blue Sage. I then re-married in August of 2001 and now with a new child and just beginning to be on the backside of 40. I went back to the Lord but not fully surrendered, I watched as the drug war front passed thru me and my wife, until it almost destroyed our young marriage. I stayed unfocused and struggled financially. I tried to get out of the debt I found myself in, but the drugs were the biggest cause.
My back and forth times with God were coming to a close. My disobedience and unrepented sins and lifestyle were becoming a revelation to me. The pressing of the devil to destroy me as if he was collecting a debt, plagued me. While the weight of my fornication's and wickedness made me look in the mirror and see what I had become.
My eyes became opened and my heart realized my emptiness. The Voice of Truth was ringing inside me. I had a Godly sorrow for my forsaking my Father in Heaven. A shame for sinning against my Lord Jesus and vain fully turning away from what He paid the price for. With my openly fulfilling the lust of the flesh. I felt my eternal damnation was my destination.
I call my coming to the knowledge of the Truth, a 12 year conversion. The Passion of the Christ was out during this time. I went and seen it then a week later on Easter Sunday, April 18th 2004. In a Four Square Gospel Church, called Faith Outreach Center. In tears during a show of hands, at the end of the service.
I lifted mine up and repented of my waywardness and sin. And that Peace that passes all understanding came back in me like it did on November 21, 1991. I then was on my way to a trip of a lifetime, that would freak my weirdness, I totally surrendered to Him, I fought thru the enemies attempts to steal it like before. No doubt he was so strong after me during this process of breaking through.
The Holy Spirit equipped me, I let no leak come in the Armor of God I worn. The acts of obedience empowered the Holy Spirit to move, the war in Heaven, was won. I was baptized in the Holy Ghost, I endured and became born-again. God fixed my life, restored my marriage, delivered my wife (Jody) from addiction. And we have never looked back. Matthew 6:33 was what I did, the reason I backslid, was because I did not do it before. Glory to the Father, thank You, Jesus.
I'm still pressing on, music may be ahead but only for His glory. Some of these songs might open up the things of which I was seeking, then and going through.
To hear some more of Two-G's music click below.
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